Ashamed

However, for me the problems hadn’t ended. I continued thinking and behaving in a very un-Christian way. I suppose you might call it a rebound or something but within a couple of weeks I got involved in an on-off relationship with another girl I knew. She attended some of the services with me. It only lasted weeks and ended as quickly as it had started. She wasn’t a Christian and I shouldn’t have been anything more than a friend to her. I believe I pushed someone away from the truth, again. It showed how little I had changed since I was saved. The following year I started yet another relationship. Although she was saved shortly after we started going together everything about it was wrong. This was to prove to be a continuing problem for me as a Christian over many years.

Now, the average person out there might think I’m being a little harsh on myself because I think it’s wrong to have had the relationships I’ve had. Almost every time I went out with a girl I hoped it would be physically pure and end up in marriage. I often slipped from that high ideal as the relationships went on, however, and acted like most other men. As a Christian I should have behaved better. There is no excuse for my behaviour. I’ve confessed each sin to God and I believe He’s forgiven me, but the shame of what I’ve done still lingers on. And I can’t go back and undo the harm.